CELEBRATING SUCCESS AND FAILURE
Blog originally published 05/12/17 on Teacher2Teacher
When I started going to school in the United States, I was embarrassed.
My age landed me in a ninth grade class, but the highest education I’d received in Guatemala was sixth. There was too much to worry about in Guatemala: watching my younger brother and sisters, helping my family buy food, staying safe in a tumultuous country.
We immigrated to New York City to be with my grandmother because my mom wanted a better life for us. So there I was, new to this massive city, experiencing all the shock and displacement that come with being foreign in a new home and placed in classes three years beyond any I’d taken before.
Still, I loved it. All of it. It was the first time I was able to embrace school and education. I went to school in the morning. I went to satellite classes in the evenings. I spent nights surrounded by dictionaries and thesauruses to do my homework.
And as hard as it was, I did well. I learned the language in a year and a half. I tested out of my ELL classes. I completed 42 credits.
But things came apart for me right at the end on a test I couldn’t pass. American history. Go figure. I was so disappointed. I’d given everything I could. I had worked so hard over such a short period of time. But I didn’t graduate. They said, “Come back next year and try again.” I didn’t. I was done with school. It wasn’t for me.
And that was the hardest part, that it wasn’t for me. Failing at school made me question everything I believed I knew about myself. Ever since I was a little girl, I’d wanted to be a teacher. Taking care of my brother and sisters, I worked with them on their numbers and the ABCs. It was always on my heart.
My grandmother was a preschool teacher who retired from New York. I remember her telling stories after school – not what she said or what happened to whom, but the passion and joy that spread across her face as she told them.
After I dropped out, I went to work as a cashier. I needed to help my family. I did that for several years, moving from New York to North Carolina. And that was fine for a while, but a time came when it just hit me: I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do with my life.
I got the bug for education again. I found a local community college and got my GED. My GED is framed on the wall of my classroom. It was passing that test that allowed me to keep going.
I went on from there to find success in college: I got my associate’s degree, my bachelor’s and then my master’s, but a test – another test – did me in. I couldn’t pass my Praxis to become an elementary school teacher.
When I think back on that American history test and the Praxis, I feel such empathy for my students. It never got easy for me. I’m not sure it ever does for ELL students. It’s hard to build confidence, and there’s so much failure.
It never got easy for me. I’m not sure it ever does for ELL students. It’s hard to build confidence, and there’s so much failure.
But if there’s one thing that’s been true for me, it’s that belief comes when you least expect it and most need it. I found my first job in a classroom as a teacher’s assistant in Angie Power’s first grade class. I spent eight years with Angie, and it was exactly where I was meant to be. Because of the time I spent under her wings, learning from her right alongside those first graders, I knew I could do it when it came time to walk out of her classroom and into my own.
After all my starts and stops, the ups and downs, I’d found a place to learn, and I’d found someone who believed in me. I walked out of Angie’s class ready, for the first time, to become what I was meant to be.
They made me the educator I am today, an educator who understands the fears and anxieties of my students and their parents. They made me an educator who will be for my students what I didn’t always have: someone to believe in them. They made me an educator who’s still got so much to give.
And I’m thankful to everyone who supported me. To my mom and my family, to my grandmother, to Angie for teaching me right alongside those first-graders, to my cooperating teacher Sarah Collins, to all who’ve shaped my path: Thank you. Let’s never stop believing in each other and in our profession, appreciating what we get to do and cherishing the opportunity we have to inspire our students to learn, dream and succeed.
Thank you for reading!
Friday, May 26th, 2017 was the last meeting with my 5th grade ESL pull-out class. One student walked in the classroom and handed me the drawing shown below. "Mrs. Francis, You are the best ESL teacher" I blushed, hugged her, and thank her for such beautiful thought!
However, her written words made me question my abilities as their ESL teacher. As my students sat there in my room engaged and working on their assignment, I couldn't help but ask myself; Did I do enough for these students? Why are they still in my class? Why haven't they exited ESL?
Five years ago when I started my career as an ESL teacher at Irvin Elementary, this group of 5th graders was in 1st grade; So this was my very first group of ESL students!
For the past five years, I've done my job. I know that my responsibility as their ESL teacher is to analyze their needs and develop their linguistic and communicative competence in English-speaking, reading, listening, and writing.
My goal is to help them achieve a proficient level of English that allows them to function independently in their classrooms, and in society in the future.
But they haven't. They are still in ESL. They are going off to middle school and they're still in the program!
But for a moment, my focus went from judging them to observing them. Then it hit me. They are just kids! They are funny, they're smart, they're sweet, and they are learning. I immediately fell more in love with them for being who they are...kids!
So I started thinking, and aiming responsibility toward me, their ESL teacher! Yes, I have done my job. I've taken my responsibilities as an educator very seriously.
What did I miss? What have I done for them in the past six years? What opportunities have I made available for them? Where did I fall short? What are they taking from me as they walk away from our school for the last time come June 9th?!? Did I advocate enough for them?
As my 5th school year comes to an end, I reflect on what I've done for my students and realize that there is always room for MORE!
More relationships, more stories, more advocacy, more love, more inspiration, more smiles, more hugs, more interventions, more opportunities, more family engagements, more listening, and much more of ME!
From this point on, I am embracing @ToddWhitaker's quote above! I do have a high expectations for my students, ALL of them, even newcomers! So if I have high expectations for them, I need to have them for myself!
I ran out of time to do more for my 5th graders...but I know I left my mark! Together we joked, laughed, read, learned, and had so much fun. I know they love me as much as I love them.
I'll treasure these drawings forever! It's a piece of them I keep with me.
My hope is for them to remember to be persistent, finish strong, and know I am here... always believing in them!
Thank you for reading!
"Highlight my strengths and my weaknesses will disappear." ~ Maori
Allow me to start by highlighting some of my accomplishments...I promise it'll make sense in the end!
Please don't take me wrong for beginning this post listing my accomplishments. It is not my intention to come across as a show-off by highlighting my strengths and achievements; my ultimate goal is to affirm my failures as a detour to reach my goals. If you have not read my previous posts: New Land, New Opportunity, and A Newcomer's Journey, please consider reading them.
I will never forget the last day I walked out of Martin Van Buren High School in 1998. The tears rolling down my cheeks were not of happiness as I once hoped so, but were tears of sadness, disappointment, and frustration. I was not going to be able to graduate high school because I have failed the American History end of year exam...twice!
Completing every single credit required for graduation; Giving everything I had as a newcomer; Learning the language...ALL these efforts for nothing. The sense of failure was so strong within me that for six years I suppressed everything I knew about myself. Having a career and becoming a teacher was now an impossible dream to achieve.
At the age of 18, I became part of the statistics as a Latino high school dropout, and joined the workforce as a cashier at a local supermarket. I was a very efficient cashier! I was always given additional responsibilities because of my efficiency. In 2000 I moved to North Carolina and got a job at Bass Pro Shops as a cashier as well. Again, because of my proficiency, I was quickly promoted to team leader and customer services leader. Being a cashier was a fun job...it was paying my bills!
But the desire within me about having a career and becoming a teacher wouldn't let go!
My aunt Rosy, the aunt who showed up at the airport when I was about to be deported...once again came to my rescue. She mentioned a local community college and encouraged me to find out about getting a GED. I enrolled at Rowan-Cabarrus Community College and in a matter of months, I received my High School Diploma Equivalency... My High School Diploma!
Now, this might be "just a GED" to many of you, but to me, it became the key to my profession.
The Beginning of My Profession
In 2004 I took a leap of faith by submitting a college application to get my associate's degree. At the same time I submitted an employment application to Cabarrus County Schools. Clearly, because of my educational background and my employment experiences, my choices for employment were very limited. My first choice in the application was as a custodian, my second choice was a cafeteria worker, and my last (just because I had to have a third) teacher's assistant. I had great references so I honestly expected a callback. What I never expected was getting a call from principal Corey Cochran to interview for a teacher's assistant position. I played his messages so many times just to make sure I was understanding correctly. ME, as teacher's assistant! No way! However, it was the only call I received so I scheduled an interview. During the interview, I met Angie Power, the first-grade teacher who needed the assistant. I walked out of the interview very discouraged because I didn't think I had answered the questions correctly or perhaps my limited educational experiences would be evident that I was not the right person for the job.
But fate stepped in. The weekend after the interview, I got called to a registered that was not working for the cashier and customers were waiting. I rushed over just to see that the customers waiting were the teacher who interviewed me along with her husband. We greeted and hugged like we had known each other for years! Without knowing each other, we had a connection. That evening she called the principal and asked for me to be hired as her assistant. And so my career with Cabarrus County School began. Angie power took me under her wing and taught me right along with her first graders for 8 years. I learned so much from her as an educator, but I also perfected my academic language right along with her students. A lot of the foundational skills of our English language were perfected in her classroom. She always made me feel as a teacher and always trusted me to teach her class. She valued my ideas and was always encouraging me to continue my education.
While working as a teacher's assistant and a bus driver, I completed my Associate's degree at Rowan-Cabarrus Community College in 2007. Walking across the stage to receive my first diploma was an experience I will never forget. This accomplishment gave me back the sense of worth, and the sense of failure started to fade away.
In 2007 I enrolled at the University of Charlotte to begin my teaching career. My courses at the university were a challenge for me. Keep in mind that the only schooling I've had in the U.S had only been three years of high school and three years obtaining my associate's degree. This is only 6 years of academic language! I had a professor say to me, "writing like this, you'll never graduate college." A very sad statement written with red pen all across my essay. I wish I can go back to her today and say, "you were wrong!"
While completing my general education credits at the university, I hit another wall. I was not able to pass the PRAXIS I which would allow me to be admitted in the college of education and take the education courses I needed to be an elementary school teacher. I took this test six times and failed every single time.
I was ready to give up. Another test was getting in my way to achieve my most desirable dream. But then it hit me! I realized that I was having this struggle not because I didn't have the motivation, or because I didn't have the knowledge...but because I was struggling with the language! Why would someone who loves education and gives all they have be deprived of being successful in completing a career?!?
Instead of quitting, I needed to know how I could help students who were having the same struggles I experienced in school and what could I do to support them. This is how I first learned about the TESOL (teachers of English to speakers of other languages) program. So here we go again...using my failure as a detour to achieve my goal. I was able to enter the graduate program after receiving an undergrad degree. In 2010 I received my Bachelor's degree in Spanish and enrolled in the graduate program to obtain a graduate certificate to teach ESL (English as Second Language). In 2012 I graduated with a graduate certificate to TEACH and continued in the program to obtain my Master's in TESOL.
In 2012 I interviewed in different surrounding counties...but in my heart, I wanted to teach in Cabarrus County School, the county that had first opened its doors to me.
And so my dream came true! In July of 2012, I received a call to start my ESL teaching career at W.M. Irvin Elementary school.
Finally...a dream come true!
I walked in room #167 telling myself:
"You did it!"; "You're a teacher now!";
"This is MY classroom."
I embrace and cherish the opportunity I have each and every day to inspire my students. I create opportunities to build relationships with my students and empower them to believe in who they are. I go above and beyond my responsibilities as an educator to reach out not only my students but their parents as well. I hold quarterly meetings with my students' parents to teach them about our school system and how to better support their children at home. I build a rapport with mainstream classroom teachers and provide strategies and methods they can use in the classroom to better support our language learners. I offer staff PDs to enlighten staff about topics that would not only make them better teacher for all students but will also make them better language teachers.
In 2016 I was elected by Irvin elementary staff to represent our school as the teacher of the year. After an interview process, and classroom observations I was named my district teacher of the year for 2016-2017.
This is what I call "the shinning wall". I choose to have these awards and titles in my classroom because I want my students to see that "Sí Se Puede!" Yes, it is possible!
Being an ESL student and having a sense of failure should not be an obstacle to achieve our dreams...nor should a TEST!
Thank you for reading!